Understanding Wendy..

Note: Though not regularly, I do get to watch Pinoy Big Brother. I try to watch whatever my siblings watch in order to process these things with them.

Recently, there’s been a big fight among the girls because of the mock nominations. Big Brother tricked them into a “live nomination” where each of the 7 remaining house mates would mention (in front of everyone) who are the 3 that don’t deserve to make it to the Big 4. To make the long story short, there has been a lot of public attention on the recent rage of Wendy, who did not take the nomination well. Inasmuch as I would love to hate Wendy for her actions, I cannot condemn Wendy, I only condemn her actions. She’s human after all. I may not agree with her, but the least I can do is understand her.

What happened?

She felt betrayed that Bea and Gee-Ann both thought she didn’t deserve to be in the Big 4. She felt crushed by the idea that people who love her would actually nominate her. For what reason? Because Wendy was already evicted and now she’s back through one of Big Brother’s Balik-Bahay gimmick. So Wendy’s anger got overblown as she started to accuse the two girls of being plastic. She accused them of being two goody-goody house mates. She claimed they hated her. She started thinking that these two are really mean girls who are strategizing in the house. She bullied them in order to provoke their anger by calling them names, lashing out hurtful comments in front of other house mates, and accusing them of being insincere when they did not respond negatively to her antics. Wendy proudly defended her actions by saying, “okay lang na masama ako, basta ako, nagpapakatotoo.” [It’s okay to be bad as long as I know I’m sincere.]
[Note to reader: if you wish to skip the commentary on Wendy’s problematic beliefs just scroll down and read “Where do all these problems come from?”]

Wendy’s “Love = No Nomination” theory

Wendy felt betrayed that the two girls nominated her. She could not believe that these two girls would treat her with affection and at the same time nominate her. How could someone who loves me, nominate me? It was an enigma. But in that same nomination, Wendy herself told her good friend, “I love you Bodie,” and she nominated him. He felt hurt and cried, just as she did, but Bodie moved on. Wendy held the grudge. Of course, it’s all a game. “Walang personalan, walang galit-galitan after nito,” the irony is that Wendy was the one who uttered that right before the nomination. In an attempt to make her understand her own inconsistency Mickey specifically pointed out her nomination of Bodie, but Wendy simply replied, “it’s different.”

Wendy’s self-contradicting notion of trust

Wendy believed that the two girls are liars and are only pretending. Her reason is that Gee-Ann and Bea know that they are on national television. Therefore, they are trying to maintain their image. This is why she would not agree with a reconciliation inside the PBB House. She wants to see them outside, the “real” them. The problem with this reasoning is that each house mate is aware that he/she is on national television. Thus, everyone is a potential faker. Why does Wendy distrust only Gee-Ann and Bea? Why doesn’t she distrust Bruce (her lover?), who has lied to everyone about not having a girl friend to begin with? How do we know that Wendy herself if not a faker? If Wendy tells everyone that she’s real and expects others to believe it, why does she not do the same to others?

Wendy’s understanding of human nature ~ pagpapakatotoo

As mentioned earlier, Wendy bullied the girls in the hope that they will get annoyed an unleash their hidden beast. (Wendy thinks people are naturally evil, I will explain this later on) Because both did not tolerate her, she believed they were not real. I think Wendy could not come to grasp with the reality that both girls are not like her. Bea and Gee-Ann are both non-confrontational characters. Bea is a natural pacifist while Gee-Ann is naturally passive. Bea does not let these things affect her while Gee-Ann would rather be a martyr because of her weak personality. Wendy exclaims, “Wala namang perpekto!” True, that’s why Bea and Gee-Ann both have their shortcomings: the former is aloof while the latter is a pessimist. I find it strange that she faults the other girls for being more patient than she is. Come on, there are many people who are, yes, not perfect, but undeniably more good-natured than the rest of us. Should we blame them for having greater control of their emotions?

(23 June 2007) I just wanted to add something that Grieckojohn said in his comment: “Kaplastikan ba ang magtago ng nararamdaman? I think you’ll say yes. But what if those persons just hide and try to control their emotions considering that they don’t wanna hurt somebody? Would that be the so-called “kaplastikan”? What if they’re just by-nature passive persons? or just silent yet observing and analyzing what’s happening before taking actions? Pagiging totoo does not necessarily mean boasting what you feel, what you think. What if they’re saying foul/mean words which destruct someone’s dignity and person as a whole?”

There’s nothing admirable in being sincerely disrespectful. “Okay lang na masama ako, basta ako, nagpapakatotoo.” [It’s okay to be bad as long as I know I’m sincere.] What’s the merit of being sincere there? If that’s the case, then we should honor all the murderers, kidnappers, carnappers, and thieves who have committed their crimes with pride.

Where do all of these problems come from?

A History of Hardships

Her mother would beat her up. Her father was a drunkard who abandoned his family and showed up only when he needed money.

On father’s day Wendy cried for feeling betrayed after the nominations and in the bedroom she revealed something important in understanding her personality: “masama akong tao, kaya yung mga taong mahal ko hindi ako kayang mahalin… it’s not hard for me to know people don’t love me, even if I love them; because my father didn’t love me, even if I loved him.”
Also recall that Wendy’s past boyfriend, Alex, only told her recently that he is already married. So all the time they were together, Alex had been deceiving her.

Wendy is the breadwinner of her large family. I actually admire her for all her efforts to be a provider for her siblings: She has joined dozens of contests, bagging the Ms. Tourism award in Binibining Pilipinas, and landing as a semi-finalist at Pinoy Dream Academy. She has also appeared in TV Commercials. But that is not enough: the huge demand of her many siblings still make them residents of a squatters’ area in Navotas.

The Question of Trust

All these encounters with hardships, and failed relationships– by failed relationships I refer to those where she deserves to be loved yet remained unloved– have caused her general attitude of doubt. Wendy cannot come to terms with the reality that people truly love her because the very people who were supposed to love her (her parents) deprived her of that love. In this way she feels betrayed. Because of this, she sees people in general as potential traitors. And the Big Brother House’s artificial set-up gives her more reasons to believe that people are showing affection out of strategy.

What It Means to Be Human

Her experiences with injustice and deception has made her believe that when people are real or nagpapakatotoo, they are angry irritable creatures. Deep inside, people must be intrinsically evil. This is why Wendy insists that she herself is a “masamang tao.” Perhaps she has subconsciously concluded that all people are evil. They tend to hurt and deceive. This is because the people who have surrounded her have done so. And seeing this capacity in herself justifies this all the more. There is a bad side to human beings that the good side can never overcome. That’s the reality of human nature according to this view. People appear good, but one day, they will hurt her… just as those she loved did.

Justified? Not Quite.

Understanding Wendy doesn’t justify her misbehavior. She is responsible for her own actions. Upbringing and harsh life experiences do not excuse a person from being accountable for his/her own offenses. Otherwise, we should free all the prisoners who have been influenced by past sufferings. No, it doesn’t work that way. Conversely, another’s misbehavior does not justify our lack of respect for that person. I will not scorn them because they, too, are children of God. I am not obliged to like them, but I have to understand them. My gosh, in how many forums & blogs have I read, “Wendemonyo, mamatay ka na!!!” She deserves some respect!

Hope for Healing

I have reasons to believe Wendy has yet to experience real love. Not “love” because she is beautiful, nor because she is the family financier, nor because she is the poster girl for pagpapakatotoo. Not even because she has good qualities. When she entered Big Brother’s house, Wendy said, “sana magustuhan ako ng tao.” Well, that’s all that Wendy wants and needs: the genuine experience of being loved for who she is.

Although I want Wendy to win the money and the house & lot (for the sake of her family), I am not rooting her because she does not have the qualities of what I think a Big Winner should be. After all, Pinoy Big Brother is not a charity contest! But I include Wendy in my prayers: may she find light, strength, peace, and most of all, love.

(Of course, I’m also hoping she gets to guest in “Kapamilya Deal or No Deal” and win at least 1 million!)

Source: http://crazyadventure.wordpress.com/